Pardon Me, Pardon You

"Forgiveness is not a weakness. In fact, commanding your ability to forgive others places you in a unique power position. It takes strength and a willingness to forgive."

 In today's episode, we will continue adding protective gear to our list to keep us safe from harm. We will discuss self-forgiveness and forgiveness of others and how to use forgiveness as a powerful tool to heal ourselves with the knowledge of lessons learned.  Listen in to learn how forgiveness can be actively used in our mining process to protect us.

PROTECTIVE GEAR:
MASK & RESPIRATOR         
Self-Forgiveness                       

REFLECTIVE CLOTHING
Forgiveness


Mentioned Resources:

Book
The Gift of Imperfection 
by Brene Brown

https://www.amazon.com/Gifts-Imperfection-Anniversary-Features-brand-new/dp/1616499605/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1BMWANA2ZIYBQ&keywords=the+gift+of+imperfection&qid=1686179559&s=books&sprefix=the+gift+of+imp%252Cstripbooks%252C106&sr=1-1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=beautifulj036-20&linkCode=ur2&linkId=8f825f56da3c9d377f366122e1e79cd1&camp=1789&creative=9325

Please note: By using my Amazon affiliate link, you can help support my podcast and allow me to continue producing quality content. Even small profits from your clicks can make a big difference.

Articles

Verywellmind.com/how-to-forgive-yourself-4583819

mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692

Chapters

• 0:15 Scenario using your protective gear
• 3:15 Emotion of grief and letting go
• 4:30 How to go about the business of forgiveness
• 6:10 The four Rs to self-forgiveness
• 6:19 Responsibility and self-compassion
• 6:38 Remorse
• 7:14 Restoration
• 7:33 Renewal
• 8:12 Forgiving others
• 9:08 What it means to forgive in a difficult situation
• 10:33 Physical benefits to forgiveness
• 11:19 Two forgiveness techniques

Transcript

Hello, I'm your host Charmaine and welcome to Beautiful JEMMS!

You spoke to the great excavator about a more secure mining shop. He assured you that the beans and bolts were put in place and it's safe for you to go inside now. In fact, he provides you with a map and gives you a place to start digging for gems. You are prepared already and have all the protective gear you know you'll need your hard hat with the headlamp, some durable work wear and your canary to be face you brought along some other items you may need in a bag. You walk into the mining shop and find the dig spot you were directed to you see immediately understanding why you were sitting here. When you shine light on the area. Gems are visibly sparkling in the rocky surface. You get excited, it's time to get to work. As you chip away at the Rock breaking it up. It gets pretty dusty. You start to cough. You say to yourself, it's not too bad. I can handle it. So you keep chipping away. Then you hear someone say you feel a hot blast with all these little pieces of rock hitting your mining overalls and jacket. You think to yourself, it's a good thing I put these on today. That hurt a little but I'm alright. The dust is thicker now though. He starts to feel your coughing getting worse and worse. Then you remember the respirator in your back? You reach down to get it and put it on and now you can see what happened here. What did your gear protect you from? unforgiveness. The particle filled dusty air represents the x we have committed against ourselves that we have not yet forgiven, like self-betrayal, self-abandonment or self-sabotage. The respirator allows us to filter out and purify the air we take into our lungs. It represents self-forgiveness. Now, mining workwear is typically durable, breathable, flame retardant, waterproof and reflective for high visibility. It covers various conditions that miners may face similar to the offensive and harmful actions of others, which can breed unforgiveness and assault. The mining workwear buffers and protects you from those who intentionally and unintentionally cause you pain through the choice of forgiveness. So the respirator protects your lungs, while the workwear protects your skin. Interestingly, in Chinese medicine, the skin is considered the external reflection of the lungs. Essentially, whatever state the lungs are in, whether healthy or unhealthy, will be reflected in the skin. The primary function of the lungs is to take in and release air, which is associated with the emotion of grief, and of letting go. When it comes to unforgiveness, something causes us grief, and we can have problems than letting it go. If we combine this info with our mining example, you inhale the dust of unforgiveness, causing your lungs grief. And when you exhaled, you coughed because your lungs were unable to fully let go of these dust particles of unforgiveness. A respirator was necessary to filter the air so that you can catch and release these dust particles with self-forgiveness before it takes root in the body. Now, what about protection for the outside of the skin from external offenses? There are many situations that can require forgiveness. I'm sure you can think of one right now. The best thing you can do is prepare for different situations, like mining work, wear durable breatheable, know that temperatures can be extreme, be resilient and reflect on the lessons learned. So how do we go about the business of forgiveness? Typically, when we talk about forgiveness, we lean towards forgiving others. I want to suggest a different approach when doing inner work. Forgive yourself first. Okay, don't go off on me. I can hear some of you right now forgive what? There aint nothing to forgive. What are you talking about? If you said anything like this to yourself, you already know what I'm going to say. Congratulations, you just struck a gym. For me, this was and still is an integral part of not just my healing experience, but my life experience. We all have roles to play in this life. We can pretend that we are always right, playing the hero. But as one friend told me. You are the villain in someone else's story. Choosing to see yourself as you are with all your faults and mistakes will require forgiveness of the highest kind of self. If you are still uncomfortable with self-forgiveness, how about pardoning yourself? The word pardon has a similar etymology to forgiveness. They both come from the root word, pardoned, err, which means to give wholeheartedly, or more accurately translated to give as a gift. So you can think of self-forgiveness as gifting you or pardon me, pardon you. According to very well mine.com There are four steps or four R's of self-forgiveness. The first is responsibility, second, remorse, third restoration and fourth renewal. When we take responsibility, we accept what happened with self-compassion. There goes that self-compassion again. I promise you that it will appear and reappear throughout the process, because it is indispensable. Check out my episode number six about self-compassion. Step two implies that you have a conscience about what happened. You may feel remorse with guilt and shame. Remember, emotions are not bad. They are signals that further investigation as required, regardless of how you feel, or what you think about what happened, remember, you are valuable as you are. A great book that helped me surrounding this topic is the gift of imperfection by Brene Brown. Also, check out my latest episodes, numbers seven and eight about emotions and thought.

The third step of restoration puts forgiveness to action with apology. If you hurt someone apologizing is healing for both parties. If you hurt yourself, how can you apologize to you? Don't worry, I've got you. I'll give you a technique to use in a few minutes. The fourth step of renewal will determine your growth. This is where we decide whether to beat ourselves up, or whether we push past hurt and pain to learn and do something different, worthy of who we are. Oh, and please remember, no judgment. Believe it or not, you can judge yourself with either choice. Through giving yourself a woppin you don't deserve or through telling yourself that you will never do it again. The truth is, you're human, you will make mistakes and sometimes the same ones. Just remember to keep practicing self-forgiveness, learning, healing and growing. So let's move on to forgiving others. Remember, we are taking it from the perspective of using protective gear. So the focus is less about the other person and more about you. We cannot control others and nor do we want to. We want is to be prepared for the offenses that come by staying in command of ourselves through forgiveness. Forgiveness is not weakness. In fact, commanding your ability to forgive others places you in a unique power position. It takes strength and a willingness to forgive. That is exercising your power. Building your invisible muscle of character with integrity. This is the work that no one will see while it's happening. But be sure your strength will show in time. It will be apparent for all to see trust the process. The same goes for someone who has committed egregious actions against you. You know, Merriam Webster defines egregious as especially conspicuously bad or flagrant. There's also a fun fact listed that the original Latin word meant the opposite, distinguished or eminent. There will always be those who believe they are better than you, who will treat you with blatant disregard who may even be an enemy. Let me be clear, when you choose to forgive in this scenario, it is not absolution. It is a power play in your favor. Meaning you have the clarity of mind to see what is call it by its name, and still forgive with knowledge in hand to plan your next moves forward. That is true power my friend, not to mention the added bonus of confusing the enemy. There are many accounts in the Old Testament, where the enemies of the Israelites were bewildered and confused by either the position the Israelites took in battle, or their low numbers of soldiers. What were they doing? They were doing exactly what they were told to do by God. And every time they listened, they claimed victory. The point always do your best to forgive and rely on God for your steps towards victory. Okay, we go on turned down a little bit. Did you know that there are physical benefits to forgiveness? The Mayo clinic.org points out that letting go of unforgiveness leads to improve mental health, less stress and hostility, lower blood pressure, fewer symptoms of depression, a stronger immune system, improved heart health, improve self-esteem, and healthier relationships. And I'll add a healthier relationship with yourself. When we let go, we release stuck energy that can make us physically ill. We'll get into energy on another episode. All in all, it seems to me that giving yourself the gift of forgiveness is a win win situation for you. All right let's round this out with two forgiveness techniques that you can put into practice. The first technique comes from the Buddhist monk, tick, not Han. He provides some great advice if you're seeking forgiveness from someone in your family who is no longer here with you. You see you are a direct genetic link to them. You can ask for forgiveness any time. First, apologize to them. Tell them what you will do now instead sincerely, mindfully and determined and you can see that family member in you smiling back, and then you are healed. Sounds a little too simple, huh? Well, I can tell you, this technique meant so much to me. In the example he gives, I'll provide the video, he actually talks about asking for forgiveness from your grandma. I did this technique years ago after losing my Nana and my early 20s. I make it a point to say Nana because she wasn't trying to hear grandma. So respectfully I say Nana I did do something a bit different though. I added the second technique I'm about to share with you, which is mirror work. I would look in the mirror and see my Nana me and ask for forgiveness surrounding how I felt I failed her before she passed. This was extremely healing. Unfortunately, I was already too familiar with using the same technique at 15 when my mother passed away. Lucky for me, I look very much so like my mother and my grandmother. So it was easy to look in the mirror and see them. Mirror work can be used to heal you in multiple ways. It can definitely be used for self-forgiveness work. Find your own techniques to mix and match what you need to forgive. For some, it may be writing a letter sending it tearing it up or burning it. Do what works for you. Trust yourself and my personal example I innately knew at 15 How to self-heal, and so do you as you walk out of the mind, finishing a hard day's work and forgiveness. Don't forget to stop by the Great Excavator’s office for protective gear safety check to see what else he has in mind for you. Thank you so much for spending time with me today. I pray that you build your relationship with God. Love yourself unconditionally and put in the work to mind refine and shine those JEMMS!