Let the Canary Sing

"Many times, emotions are demonized, and the truth is that emotions are neither good nor bad. It's what you do with the emotions that make the difference."

In today's episode, let's talk about emotions. Emotions play multiple roles in our lives, including acting as a form of protection by telling us whether to proceed with inner work or retreat, regroup, and reassess ourselves. We'll discuss the role of emotion in our lives, how to listen closely, and what to do if emotions go too far. 

 
PROTECTIVE GEAR:
CANARY
Emotions

Chapters

• 0:37 Pockets of toxic gases
• 2:11 Protective gear: Canary of emotions
• 2:42 What’s the role of emotions in our life?
• 3:17 Ignoring emotions
• 5:52 Why it’s important to have self-compassion
• 8:30 How slavery has shaped black women
• 9:29 Listening closely to your emotions
• 11:18 My challenge to you
• 11:52 Importance of identifying your emotions clearly
• 12:39 What to do if emotions get too far

Transcript

Hello, I'm your host Charmaine and welcome to Beautiful JEMM’s.

Emotions, they play multiple roles in the mining process. One role acts as a form of protection or protective gear, you'll see why I set a form of protective gear in a moment. Emotions can help you assess when it's safe to proceed on with inner work, or alarm you to retreat, regroup, and reassess with the valuable information you found. One of the scenarios miners can come across are pockets of toxic gases, which can be harmful or deadly if they are unaware of them. These noxious gases formed underground where they are trapped until they are either naturally released or released through something such as a mining process. When these pockets of toxic gases escape, they can leak slowly and silently. They can also combust and explode for contact. In the past, miners use canaries as their first line of defense to protect themselves. As long as the Canaries were alive and things, the miners are safe. The moment though the canary stopped singing, or unfortunately died, this alarm the miners to let them know that the air was toxic, the environment was unsafe, and it was time to evacuate. So why were canaries used? Well, they require more oxygen than humans. So, if they weren't able to survive, and the miners were paying attention, they had enough time to leave before the toxicity in the air was too much for them. 

So, what do these toxic gas pockets represent? They represent experiences that have not been process that are varied and trapped. These experiences can range from benign to deadly. Either way, they can pose a threat. How deadly that gasp pocket is depends on how traumatic the experience is or is not. The Canary is your emotion when it's used to protect you from harm and doing your inner work. That's why I said it's a form of protective gear or protection earlier. The Canaries’ job is to alarm you. And that's what your emotions do. Your emotions are just signals. Many times, emotions are demonized. And the truth is that emotions are neither good or bad. It's what you do with the emotions that makes a difference, not the emotion itself. So, the emotions are meant to tell you something. In this case, whether there is danger or not. Like the canary as long as your emotions are humming along in the process, you are safe to continue doing in a work. But the moment your canary stopped singing, meaning that your emotions are extremely out of balance or shut down and off. It's time to evacuate, retreat, regroup and reassess what your needs are before you move forward. A good way to start is by going straight to the great excavator, God. Now what if the miners are not paying attention, or even ignoring the canary. This can represent us moving along in life, paying little to no attention to the emotions associated with deeply buried traumas.

I'm going to share with you a recording I made about why many of us in the black community do this very thing. We like to ignore those emotions and for good reason. Because we spent 400 years blocking them, getting them under control so we didn't kill get killed. That's just bottom line. You want about talk about trauma. And you still see this today where it's almost like we're not allowed to have a motion. And this is where you know sometimes I think we even we take it out on each other because we are the only ones that You know, maybe to a degree that can, can not only handle what we got, but we have no other place to put it. Not really. A black man can't go around killing white men, because he's angry, but he can go around killing black guys. He might get thrown in jail. But that all goes along with the plan. Right? So nobody cares about that really? Except us. Not really. And maybe I shouldn't say that. But you know, that's the pot or the systematic racism.

Even if people care what can they do about it is set up that way. Don't kill the canary. You about a

mouthful off, tell somebody about themselves been there done that about to tell somebody about themselves. Pause, pause. Remember that saying back in the day, check yourself before you wreck yourself, you are attacking somebody that looks just like you. And I'm not saying everybody that looks just like you as your friend. But what I am saying is, is that they are a mirror to you. And they are the easiest target for you to take out. Your foolishness, all right, to take out your rage to take out your whatever emotions that you have that you can't express. So I you know, and this is where for me, I kind of look at us differently. And I feel like people like oh, why black people act like this and act like that we've been hurt.

We've been hurt for a long time. That's why I have that episode about self-compassion. Because it is like super necessary to have that self-compassion for yourself. Because if you're able to do that, not only will you be able to work through your trauma, you will be able to heal the community as a whole because you will treat your brother differently. When they act the fool you're going to be like, it's okay. It's not even about me. I know you're in pain. Now. You might not say this to them. I've gone through this. I'm dead serious. I've dealt with some people that man Oh, man, oh, man. Oh my god. Test. This is not even a test. I don't know what this is. But you know, like, I'm one I'm going to. You're human, you want to go off like, wait a minute, hold up. Right? You want to go off. But um, many times and I used to hate it because I will feel like Man, this is a bigger responsibility. I will see things and people. And I felt like I got a word in that moment. Pause, don't shoot, don't you dare you already know, because you can see that person is in pain. Now, here's the tradeoff. That doesn't mean that you let people disrespect you. It does not mean that you don't have good boundaries. Because that's, that's a part of the trade off. They're learning those things as well. To protect yourself. So, it is about us coming to an understanding of ourselves. Like really like my sister, my brother, like really taking some time and digging deep, and allowing those emotions to come Don't kill the canary man, the canary is just trying to warn you trying to help you, you're angry and you don't have a place to express it. So you can take it out or somebody that looks like you, you got an attitude because you have no place to express genuine pain comes off as sarcasm comes off as trying to control others. When you can't control others, you can only control yourself. I think a lot of times black woman as well, too. You know, um, we get in that mode we want to tell somebody about themselves. It's like, well, we've been put in this position of authority for 400 years, which was trickery. And I think there's also a part of us that is resentful, resentful of that. You should know better. I shouldn't have to tell you nothing. Okay, we need to have a way, way, way more self-compassion for ourselves, way more, I cannot stress that enough. To clarify further about black women. Slavery has conditioned black women to sacrifice themselves for those outside of them as if they are not important. Last on the totem pole, so to speak. This is where you get the mammies or Big Mama's of the world. This tough but sweet woman who bends but never breaks, who provides for others but doesn't need to be provided for who can handle everything and does not require any support of her own. Because she only needs herself and God who has transformed into the modern day independent black woman. It looks different, but it's still the same. We sacrifice our true natures to protect ourselves the same way our ancestors did. It blocking certain parts of ourselves, emotions, ignoring them for our survival? Well, we aren't in survival mode anymore. Let the canary sing its song and listen. So how can you listen closely to the song? One great way is by using the technique of mindfulness in the moment. Okay, so we spoke about this technique, and how you can use it along with self-compassion, and you can use it along with meditation. And again, you can still package all of those things together. The point of mindfulness, though, is for you to be present, in that moment, doing the very thing that is essentially uncomfortable for most of us. You know, if it's not what we consider a good emotion, it's not easy for us to sit in it and be present with that emotion so that we can understand it. But that is a great way to start tapping in to really listen to the song. All right. Now, the second thing ties in nicely, which is to increase your emotional vocabulary. You know, recently I had a teacher, basically tell the class about the emotions wheel. And I'm not sure if you're familiar with it, if you're not, please go and look it up. And there are various ones out there. So one emotion wheel that I'm looking at right now, basically has the primary emotions in the middle of the color wheel, kind of like the primary colors that you have yellow, blue, and red. So there's joy, there's fear, there's sadness, there's anger, there's disgust that may sound familiar to some of you guys.

But basically, it's very much so like that those are your primary colors. These are the emotions that most people are familiar with. But what I challenge you to do is to take one of these color wheels and sit down and write out maybe that feeling you're feeling for example, sadness, in a moment. Well, some of the words that are associated with sadness are lost, or lonely, disappointed, or left out, or something like joy. You might be feeling free, or connected and present, or maybe even a calm delight. When you identify your emotions, clearly, you understand your experiences clearly. And last but not least, is checking in with that great excavator, checking them with God. He knows all your experiences, in unimaginably great detail. You already know that God wants you to heal, but he wants was for your highest good. And your highest good is having a safe environment. So, he's going to know everything that you need. In order to move forward. The best question you can ask and embark on this one from Oprah. I think I spoke about this before, what's my next step and trust that you will be provided with an answer. So, what if things have gone too far or you feel like you need more help, you'll always need to put in the work. But there are times when you may need to call on professionals for help. So, if you feel the need to contact a mental health professional, or speak to a spiritual leader, counselor, or friend, start somewhere. What's more important to know is that you're not alone. Even though we all have to take our own specific journeys. We're in this life together. So, reach out if you need help.

Thank you so much for spending time with me today. I pray that you build your relationship with God. Love yourself unconditionally, and put in the work to my refine and shine those JEMMS.